Hesitation
by beachglass5387
Summary: After episode 206 Stefan tries to deal with the break up.  Stefan/Elena. Stefan/Katherine.


His first thought as he feels the warm sting of her fingernails sinking into the skin of his back is that Elena's nails are too short to draw blood. His second is that, for an instant, as he thrusts his hips as hard as he can, he is glad that it is Katherine under him. She gasps slightly and moves a hand up to fist in his hair. Then, almost before he knows what is happening, she flips them and his shoulder blades hit the floor with a force that would have killed a human. Her palms stay on his shoulders, pushing him into the carpet as she leans over him.

Though it almost breaks his collarbone, he reaches up to grab her waist and pulls her down so that she is flush against him. He can no longer truly process what is happening – somehow they are kissing, violent and angry and…and something else. There is blood in his mouth, he can't be sure whose, and Katherine is beneath him again, her curls tangled and her eyes closed. As release tears through his body he closes his eyes, too.

When he pulls away from her, she makes no effort to hold on to him. Instead, she arches her back upward to stretch and absently runs her tongue over her bloodied fingertips. He is surprised to find that he is disappointed. He realizes that he was half wishing that what she had said was true; that she loved him; that she had come back for him. He doesn't want her, not really. But he wants someone, he needs—

Elena. All he can think of is Elena. He wants to go to her, right now, reeking of sex and blood and alcohol and pull her into her arms and explain to her that they have to stick together; that together they can fix anything. That, however, is certainly not part of his plan. He starts to laugh. The sound is higher pitched than it should be and he cannot stop.

"Poor Stefan," Katherine says, reaching over and running a hand up his chest to rest on his cheek. Her touch is gentle, her eyes warm, and he leans closer to her. "Nearly in hysterics. Don't worry—beginnings are always hard." She kisses him then, soft and careful, and he kisses her back, no longer sure who he is thinking of. Then she is gone.

Stefan sits part way up and reaches for the bottle of bourbon that Damon keeps on the table behind the sofa. He drains the bottle in fifteen minutes and reaches for the scotch. Ten minutes later, he collapses on the carpet.

It's done, he thinks. Damon will find him here, know what happened, go into a destructive rage, tell Elena, and then it will be over. Elena will never come back to him if she knows he's been with Katherine again and she will be safe; safe from vampires, safe from Katherine, safe from him. He is still lying on the floor when he hears Damon come home. He is glad that his pants are not far and grabs them and quickly pulls them on without getting up. He waits.

"Stefan," Damon's mocking voice comes from the other room. "I hear a zipper! And I smell bourbon! What have you been up to?" Then Damon is looking down at him. From the expression on his brother's face, he must look worse than he thought. "What happened to you?" Damon asks, suddenly serious.

"Come on, Damon," Stefan says. "You can smell what happened to me."

"I can smell that you had sex with Katherine. That doesn't explain what happened to you."

Stefan doesn't say anything. This encounter is not going how he planned and the room is starting to spin.

"You got blood on the carpet," Damon states, his voice still calm. "This is a living room, you know. Not the site of the next photo shoot _Masochists Monthly_. Maybe you should put on a shirt and-"

Stefan isn't really listening to Damon's words. It is his brother's tone which strikes him – it is even and low. Stefan starts to laugh again as he realizes what Damon is doing. "You think I'm going to explode," he chokes out between giggles. "You think I'm about to have some kind of break down and," Stefan doesn't finish the sentence; he just keeps laughing and coughing.

"Isn't it annoying when people talk to you that way?" Damon says in the same tone, smirking.

"Shut up," Stefan says half-heartedly. "_I_ am not going to go on murderous rampage. I'm not going to hurt anyone-" he breaks off as Damon reaches down and grabs his shoulder, yanking him into a sitting position.

"Well, good work so far," Damon says sarcastically. Stefan figures that the bruises on his back must not have completely healed yet. He tries to pull away, but he's too drunk to manage it.

"Lucky for me and the carpet vampires don't throw up," Damon says.

"What happened to me?" Stefan asks, suddenly angry. "What happened to _you_? You're calm and sober and doing whatever your version of taking care of someone is. After one hundred and forty-five years why now? Do you not understand that I had sex with Katherine, former love of your life, right here, in the living room?"

"Yes, and drank all of my bourbon." Damon sits down beside him. "Look at you, post-coital, drunk, pining over girls you can't have ….And me! More or less sober, trying to pacify you and keep you from running off the rails in a fit of self-destruction….Role reversal for dramatic effect!"

Stefan uses what is left of his strength and balance to grab the bottle of port still sitting on the table. He takes a swig before Damon grabs the bottle from him. "You've had enough," Damon says and then drinks himself. "I, on the other hand, have not had nearly enough."

They sit in silence for a few minutes until Damon asks "What exactly was the plan here? You screw Katherine, she tells Elena, and Elena is so jealous and worried that she comes racing over here?" Damon looks at him, waiting for acknowledgement. "No, wait, you screw Katherine, _I_ tell Elena, Elena's done with you forever and can lead a normal human life."

Stefan shrugs.

"Well, that's a really shitty plan," Damon says.

"You're seriously criticizing my plans?"

"Shut up," Damon says. "I'm trying to be nice to you, here. We could have a moment. I'm not going to tell Elena. Katherine probably will, though. I'm sure that encounter will be really safe, normal, everyday human stuff for Elena."

"I didn't think of that," Stefan says, trying to get up.

"Yeah, well, a lot of complicated thought doesn't tend to go into love-addled planning. Trust me. Elena's in school now, so I'm guessing she's not in immediate danger. If I know Katherine, she'll probably keep quiet about your little tryst until she's sure she can do the maximum harm. She'll wait for an audience. I'm betting you and me."

"Why are you taking this so calmly?" Stefan asks. The alcohol is starting to wear off a little.

"It does me good to see you fall off the wagon. Makes me think that you might even be fun again one day."

"Damon."

Damon sighs and takes a gulp of the port. "At least I know that she's using you, too."

Stefan doesn't know what to say. He would certainly have agreed with Damon right up until that last kiss. Now, he doesn't know anymore. Maybe Katherine is using him. But maybe what she said was true. Maybe she does really love him and has come back to –

"That's what I've been trying to tell you," Stefan says.

"We need to get rid of her," Damon seriously. "But first, you need a shower. And some blood."

Stefan doesn't respond, but he slowly stands, grabbing the back of the couch and waiting for his body to adjust.

"Off you go," says Damon. "And don't tell Elena about this. You really won't be helping anything."

Stefan still doesn't respond and Damon grabs his shoulder again. "I mean it, little brother. She's not….doing well. We just need to get rid of Katherine and then the two of you can go back to bickering about who should hang up first."

"She needs to know," Stefan says.

"Not now she doesn't," Damon says, looking Stefan in the eye. "We have bigger problems. Try not to make this all about you and your pathological need to do the right thing."

Stefan nods and begins to shuffle towards the stairs. "And put on different clothes!" Damon calls after him.

Once he is out of sight, he hears Damon pulling out his cell phone and he pauses to listen.

"How are you?" Damon says quietly. Stefan feels a wave of dread wash over him as he realizes who Damon must be talking to. "Listen, I meant what I said. I really am sor-" Damon pauses. "Ok. Ok, we won't. You need to come over after school. Tell the teacher and your brother and be waiting outside. The witch, too. I'll pick you up," Damon chuckles. "I know, all the soccer moms I've been eating must be wearing off." Another pause. "Because it will be safer. We can't take anymore chances, Elena….Of course he will be. We can't have a team meeting without the second in command….He's like he always is. Morose. Serious. Level-headed. Racked with guilt and misery….."

Stefan leans his forehead into the wall. He wishes that Elena was speaking loud enough for him to hear. He wishes that she was speaking to him.

"We need a plan….No, nothing new has happened. I'm just taking charge. Doppelgangerpalooza is starting to lose its charm…..Good. I'll see you then."

Damon hangs up. "Shower, Stefan! I'm going to….uh….do something about the living room."

Stefan is struck with the visual of Damon wandering around the house with a can of air freshener. He almost laughs. He is glad that Elena will be here soon, even though it will be hard to be around her. Even though they are no longer together. Maybe Damon is right, he thinks. Maybe if they kill Katherine he and Elena can be a couple again and he'll never have to tell her….

But he will. He will have to tell Elena that he had sex with Katherine. What would he tell her the reason was? He was sad and drunk and self-destructive and he missed Elena and….and…he had missed Katherine. Not as much, but it was there.

He showers, dresses, and waits downstairs for Damon to return with Elena, Alaric, Jeremy, Bonnie, and Caroline. He hears Damon's car pull into the driveway. When Elena comes striding into the room she walks directly to where he is sitting, slides down beside him, and reaches out a hand to touch him. She stops herself, cramming her outstretched hand into her pocket and turning away. His first thought is that Katherine never hesitates to touch him. His second is that he is glad that it is Elena sitting beside him.


End file.
